We often look for better processes when conversations do not land. What if the real issue is the quality of presence people bring into the room?
The meeting ends. People gather their things, close their laptops and move on to the next item in an already busy day.
And then it happens. A conversation starts in the hallway. Or in a Teams chat. Or later that afternoon over coffee.
"What exactly did we agree?"
“I actually don’t believe this will work"
"I thought we were doing something else."
"Did anyone actually take ownership of that?"
Most leaders have experienced this. Everyone was present. The right topics were discussed. Decisions seemed to be made. And yet something about the conversation never quite landed.
The usual response is to look at the structure.
- Perhaps the agenda was unclear.
- Perhaps the decision-making process needs improvement.
- Perhaps roles and responsibilities need to be defined more explicitly.
Sometimes that helps.
But sometimes the real issue lies somewhere else. Not in the content of the conversation. In the quality of presence people brought to it.
Arriving before the meeting begins
In many organizations, people move from one meeting to the next without pause.
- A difficult conversation with a client.
- An urgent email.
- A disagreement with a colleague.
- A deadline that is approaching too quickly.
Then the next meeting starts.
Physically, people are in the room. Mentally and emotionally, part of them is still somewhere else.
This is not a criticism. It is simply human.
The challenge is that when people have not fully arrived, they often listen less carefully, speak less consciously and miss important signals from others.
The meeting may still happen. But something essential is absent.
Attention.
And attention shapes everything that follows.
What happens when we create space?
One of the simplest practices we use with teams is a short check-in at the beginning of a meeting.
Not as a ritual. Not as a box to tick. And certainly not because everyone has to to share their deepest feelings.
The purpose is much simpler. To help people arrive.
A meaningful question is asked.
One person speaks. The others listen.
No discussion. No fixing. No advice.
Just a few moments of genuine attention.
What often surprises people is how much can change in such a short period of time. The energy in the room settles. People become more present. The quality of listening improves. Conversations become clearer. Decisions become easier to make.
Not because the check-in solved anything.
But because people became more aware of what was already there.
You cannot leave something behind if you have not acknowledged it
Many of us have learned to push through. To keep going. To focus on action.
There are moments when this is useful. And there are moments when it comes at a cost.
If I am distracted, frustrated or worried, pretending those things are not there does not make them disappear. They simply influence the conversation from the background.
The same is true for teams:
- Unspoken concerns influence decisions.
- Unacknowledged tensions create distance in relationships.
- Unexpressed assumptions affect collaboration.
When we create a little space to notice what is present, something remarkable happens.
People become less occupied by what they are carrying.
Not because it has been fixed. Because it has been acknowledged.
And that creates room for the work that needs to be done.
Presence is not a soft skill
In many organizations, presence is still seen as something optional.
Something nice to have. Something separate from performance. Or as something ‘we simply are too busy for’.
Our experience has been the opposite.
Presence influences the quality of every conversation. And conversations shape decisions. Decisions shape actions. Actions shape performance. And the way we have our conversations shapes culture.
